A memory of something we like a lot, of something that we wanted, wished for, and accepted when it came, thinking it will stick with us forever, or, at least not worrying about the the day it will no longer be a part of our lives, can make it difficult to get over the psychological blockage that we experience, to a certain degree, when we actually lose that object, person, or even feeling.
If you have(and I am sure you did) experienced such a defeat throughout your life, you might already know that it won’t last forever, because we learn to manage, deal, and forget these negative experiences, that are a result of a significant loss in our life, because it is not only important to let go of such things, but also to learn to deal with the facts and feelings, in order to get back into our “normal” personalities, to yet again be able to enjoy positive vibes that we experience in life.
However, if we hang on to defeat, to loss, to grief, sadness, it won’t only destroy our perception of what happiness is, but it will also slowly eat away at our conscious and subconscious, slowing us down, even halting us from living our lives, and make us perceive ourselves as hopeless, lost, and unable to find joy again.
The more we experience things that break us down, the more “mature” we become. However, there are a few important lessons to learn, what will make us more towards actually being mature, and not more distant, hearth broken, and hopeless.
Forgive those who did you wrong, but don’t give in twice.
Whatever may the reason be for your negative thoughts and feeling that you experience right now and cannot let go, you should not let anyone, or anything play with your feelings and self esteem the same way as it has happened before. Life often hurts, but even though you came out on the wrong end of the fight, as long as you have learned to be aware of such experiences, and you manage to get over them, resuming your life and living it the way you want to, you won’t ever lose, because you have won something from the experience, you’ve gotten wiser.
Don’t hurt others because you’ve been hurt.
No matter how many failures and emotional, or physical pain you might be dealing with, or have dealt with, it is never acceptable from you to behave in a certain way, or to categorize anyone as being on of those who have did you wrong. Treat everyone equally, but beware of the consequences your actions might bring, both positive, or negative, depending on your perspective, and behavior. Unless you have a good reason to(and not even then, if possible), don’t let your past define the beauty of your person. Don’t forget, that those who you might see hostile, have also been hurt in the past, but I doubt that makes any concrete point in this statement. Don’t let your guard down, and most importantly, learn to walk away, if someone does you wrong, or something doesn’t feel right. Because once you learn to do that, you are the one that has won, whatever the circumstances might be.
And most importantly, be strong. Be there for those who need you.
This is not as much as a rule, as it is a suggestion. At some point in our lives, we will come across others, who might be dealing with difficulties, who are stuck with a negative perception of life because an event they have gone through, or need reassuring that everything will be alright. I , personally, had to deal with similar things before I even learned how to let go of various issues that were constantly on my mind, but I still tried it, because I deducted the fact that as bad as I might be doing right now, I still could make a change in someone’s life for the better. You don’t need to follow this suggestion, however, if you aim to be someone who brings forth positive changes and is willing to help someone out, you will need to learn to be strong, and accept that you will have bad days sometimes, and periods that seemingly will defeat you on a mental level, but you still need to make it through them, and not give in to the pressure they pose to your life, and well being.
All of the above brings us to a few conclusions, which will actually answer to why we must learn to let go, and focus on ourselves instead.
People who deal with difficulties in life, usually can be categorized into two types. The first one, most common type, just wants to get over their pain, to live their lives normally, and to once again find happiness, but constant thoughts, or memories, keep them from reaching their goals.
If you want to get away from your past, from a traumatic experience, it is empirical to follow three steps. You must accept what has happened, acknowledge the fact that it has happened, and that you are not meant to hang on to a painful piece of past forever. Deal with it. You can deal with something that hurts you in a few ways, you can write it down, in a private journal you keep, or just a letter, you can tell someone, either physically, or through various forums, groups, and collectives that are ready to listen to what has been bothering you, since it is a proven fact that letting someone else know of your hurt can ultimately contribute in the process of healing, while of course also having the possibility of dealing with things on your own, which I do not recommend, unless you are certain that you are able to. And finally, you must move on, getting yourself away from the pain you feel, and opening new doors and opportunities for yourself. You will soon realize, that you are in a much better place than you have been yesterday, and that you are glad you’ve learned to deal with these issues. Who knows, maybe one day you will come across someone who could use your help as much as you needed it, and might just be the beginning of something new. Don’t lose hope because you failed, or have been hurt, but have more because you deserve more, you want more, and because you are more than what mere negative emotions make you feel.
The second type of personalities, are usually the vengeful ones, those who want to bring forth destruction and pain into the lives of those who did them wrong, or for a similar reason. Let me shatter your illusions, because revenge won’t make you feel better. It will either break you down even more, or leave you in a state of shame and hatred you can’t wash from your mind for the next few years, in the best case. But I am happy to tell you that the best form of revenge, that will definitely make you feel better, is, in fact, success. It’s the ultimate form of hitting back in life, against most things it throws at you. It will be something that will prove as much to other, as to you, how much you actually really are, and what you are capable of. And it will prove, that undoubtedly, despite the hurt you’ve been through, you are a winner.