A broken hearth, the loss of a loved one, failure, all these are painful experiences, but they don’t even compare to being stuck in a state of inescapable lack of feelings, or anything, in fact.
It’s the stage at which we realize we have nothing left to keep fighting for, not even for ourselves. It’s when life and the others around us damage us so badly, that we are unable to see a positive outcome anymore. We give in to defeat, we lock ourselves away, we accept to be pushed away and we start thinking it has no sense trying anymore. And if it would have any sense, why are we still in the same place we were a few years ago?
This decision can and will quickly lead down a deep rabbit hole that ends in depression, suicidal thoughts, and behavior change. Soon enough, you won’t be wanting to see or do anything anymore, except sitting all day in your safe space, feeding off the various things that give you instant gratification just because you “were not good enough”.
Our bodies can take an amazing amount of strain and damage, however a weak mind will quickly give in to the peer pressure of constant tests and failures that life throws at us. It’s not that you have just awful karma, or that you lack anything, it’s not even that you didn’t try hard enough. It is, in fact, a result of two very important things you lack, persistence and the ability to handle loss in the right way.
Life is never going to put you in a situation that is inescapable, but it’s always going to make such illusions.
The worst choice you can make in such situations is to give in whether because you are sick of trying, because you saw perfection in something that is gone, and your hopes, dreams, and wishes faded right in front of your eyes, or whether you feel like you’ve given everything and you are simply not making the cut. Quite surprisingly, however, failures and pain are the two best teachers. They break you. They kick you down, and then they ask you to either lie there in silence or to build yourself back up.
No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.
That being said, human nature itself is to always strive and keep fighting for its objective, which is of course set by us when we figure out what we want to do in the brief flash of existence we call life.
You can, of course, give in to the numbness, the sadness, to failures, or to the lack of happiness you always seem to experience. But that won’t change anything. It won’t be better with time, neither will it silence the fact that you are happy with what is left over, with the fact that you don’t have the will to take control of your life.
It doesn’t matter what context you put this in: From day to day failures to personal struggles due to loss, or illness, the only thing that will hurt more than what you currently feel is to give up trying. You were not only born to fight for what you think you deserve, you were born strong enough to deal with anything that tries to stop you from reaching it. It’s in you from the start. But when you fail and others who gave up tell you the same, of course you become someone who accepts what is told to them. “It’s okay, you were not meant for this” . Seriously? That is the worst advice anyone can give you, and believe me, they will. No matter who you ask, if someone sees you failing over and over again they will be telling you to quit. But what they don’t tell you is that they are talking about their limitations, and not yours.
Whatever may you with struggle reaching right now, stop believing if others tell you to drop the act, because you sometimes just have to accept what you can’t do. That was taught to them, not to you. I say you should never settle for less then what you want. If you are mocked or looked down upon because you are different, struggle with something, or if you are aiming way too high and can’t quite reach it yet, keep trying. Keep a positive perspective, keep doing every day as little as you can, but keep trying. Those who don’t support you won’t play a role in your life anyway, so why would you listen to something that’s just incomprehensibly stupid and limiting?
There will be days when you fell like you were better off dead. Even days when the bed seems to be the only place you want to be in. However, the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Do you believe in the beauty of your dreams?