I don’t know what to do anymore

I’m done. I’ve hit rock bottom, it is over. No matter what I do, I always end up in the same place, hurt as always. I don’t know what to do anymore, and this time it is permanent.

Everywhere you look, you only see doors closing in front of you, rejection and failure is constant. So constant, that at this point you don’t even want to try anymore. This is the most common feeling of our generation, and not without a reason. Smiles and laughs hide more than the eye can see, and more than anyone you’ve ever met so far could handle.

Soon, you’ll realize you don’t feel anything anymore, and if you do, that’s constant sadness, emptiness. The glimpse of a better tomorrow died out long ago, the you that once was going through it all, facing his demons is now sheathing his sword, ready to accept, or even accelerate the process of self destruction. You know you are not alone, but you don’t care. Maybe you reject the idea, because that won’t help anyway at this point, when your life is but a constant struggle between negative emotions, hate, and nothingness.

This is the biggest enemy of both teens, and people who have to deal with their own demons every day, and are simply forced under the stigma of “worthless”, “loser”, “failure”, “goner”, “disgrace”. You are simply given an opinion, which multiplied throughout the years has pushed you to the extremes of doing stupid things and accepting this. Because it is clear that if they all agree on something, it must be true! Society’s roots run deep, and their stupidity run just as deeply.

You are not the problem.

The true problem is everyone else, but you. Every single person that hurts in order to teach, or offensively expresses their disgust towards something about you can show many things about themselves, but not about you. We are not born with the ability to differentiate between good and bad, and living under this constant negative influence that nowadays has become part of our society is simply shattering everyone who might be dealing with hardships, or who is struggling to find their way. Instead of offering guidance, we are criticized, looked down upon, and thrown in a cage of fake perception of ourselves. 

You are not an outcast

Something that people are great at, is categorizing, and setting standards. Ideals of behavior or ways of thinking that makes you fit in. I don’t care how many people told you this, neither how many lied about it being the right way. It is not. You are special, it doesn’t matter if you have insecurities, deal with anxiety, depression, if you are fat, way too skinny, or if your accent or behavior is different. None of this matters, but you give in to think that it does, so you start conforming, and when you try too hardly, you will lose yourself. If you fail, you will get back to where you started from.

The actual problem

You let yourself to be shaped and described by people that offer only the wrong things. It could be everyone around you. Negativity is everywhere, to a such extent, that it is splitting society into “the normal ones” and “the failures”. 

How does this help me at all?

Now that you understand that there is an unseen war going on that many of us are part of, I can perhaps offer a proper answer if you feel like you are lost and don’t know what to do anymore.

I centered this post around other people’s opinions because if you would be supported by everyone and encouraged no matter what you do or who you are, you wouldn’t be in this dark place. 

You didn’t reach the end, and you won’t do it for quite a while from now. If being lost is not enough, you probably have to also deal with a constant black cloud over your head that doesn’t get you anywhere. It is time for you to learn to be your own teacher, and not to take lessons from those who barely graduated the school of common sense. Many people will tell you this, but you have to believe and act according to it to see any results.

Family problems, bullying, harassment because you have something different, rejection, are always going to be things you have to deal with. But don’t forget that you are in control, and that your life is not a book in which others can write in without your accord. After realizing this, you must find an objective. It doesn’t matter how crazy or far it may seem, set one. Start working on yourself in order to have what it takes to get what you want, daily. Start small. But be aware that you did something right. Stop giving other voices the power to shape you into something less than you actually are. Envy and hate will always exist, but once you discover the power of ignorance, you will be on the right path by focusing on you.

There will be many more days when you will feel the same, and no one will even give you a thumbs up for your efforts. But this is not about them, it is about you. Take a breath and do it again, until you will see the brighter side. Things can’t get worse, but they won’t get better if you just hope for the better without putting your interest into making the change. 

Afterword

Thank you for reading, if you found this helpful you can check out other similar topics on my blog. If you have any specific questions, I would love to answer them, feel free to ask. If you are new, welcome! I hope to see you as a returning reader.

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