Self deprecation or over evaluation? Which one, and why?

Extremes are examples of diversity all around us, all around the world. Cultural, intellectual, and behavioral are just a few examples. Extremes are what draw the top and bottom line in a given context, they are our unit of measurement, and sadly, often times they are defining factors that play a role in the development of a self image.

Confining ourselves to the psychological aspect of Extremes, we can firmly affirm that all of us have met people that are either overly optimistic, running their mouth about an amazing future they intend to create, while those who fall into the pessimistic category are usually depressed, lonely, antisocial, having a wrong attitude, perception and expectation of their current and future situation.

You also know well balanced people, who seem to be productive, happy, totally alright and in their zone when it comes to the day to day life they are living. Yes, while that might seem everything that you could ever wish for, mostly if you fall under the pessimistic category, it is not at all what you want to do, for reasons that I will discus further down this post.

Talking about failures has and it still is one of the major roadblocks someone might face throughout their life. This is thanks to our wonderful society(feel the sarcasm) that has members that tend more towards a negative and mocking attitude when talking about other’s failures. Some of you reading this might very well already know these things, but some of you might just not be decided enough about not letting everyone around you influence your behavior and character.

It truly sucked when I failed my exam, and practically fucked up in almost every aspect, setting me back one whole year, or perhaps an entire life would I not have taken up self help. As mocking as it was that some of my colleagues tending towards our biped ancestors succeeded, it was nothing compared to the effect that everyone around me gave. Some laughing, happily giggling as I have fallen, while others were just sure I wouldn’t make it. Not to talk about the rest.

So I sat down, and pondered a bit on this curious mentality. Have I have succeeded right away, most people would have been sure that I was good enough to make it. Totally certain, no questions asked. But when someone else fails, and you have the ability to do something bad, like mocking, or expressing your pervertedly negative attitude towards my failure, well there are going to be hundreds, you can be sure of that.

The more I would look into society’s behavior, the more I would realize that whole lives, careers, sad, and happy stories depend on the way someone handles their failures. So, the question that I am asking you is “How does a failure affect you?” and “To a what degree does the opinion of others shape the way you think of yourself and your worth?”

If you heroically answered something along the lines “I am unaffected, hah! I am better then all of them anyway” then I would like you to hold your horses, because what follows below is how wrong you are. Think I am wrong? I doubt that.

Let’s take a look at why

Motivation is good. Hell, motivation is all that we need. If you would wake up and effortlessly pass 12 hours studying or working and still be the same after the day as when you woke up, we wouldn’t have this discussion. But when it comes to doing, to a what degree does this attitude help you? If you answered “I can do that” then hats down, you should be a self help coach, considering your results are truly showing while going through all these hardships. But if your results don’t speak for themselves, then what is the point of talking in the air? Most likely, it’s not because you have not yet reached that occasion, that combination of work and luck that will blast you straight towards success. It is most likely that one, you either boast too much and your results are not even existing, or two, you work your ass off without paying attention to the quality of what you do. This is a result of the overly optimistic attitude. It might come off as offensive. In that case, keep reading, you might just get something out of this post that will live up to your wasted time.

If your answer to the questions was something along the lines “They are right”, or “Perhaps I should do something more fitting, I was not meant for this”, then I would like for you to allow me to give you a slap back into reality.

Let’s suppose, for the sake of an example, that for each of these extremes there is someone who has succeeded, but treated itself accordingly to their mentality. One, overly enthusiastic person that the moment he got a paycheck already saw himself as a rich man, and one person who motivated itself through constantly bashing the fact that they are not good enough. Both of these will come to a bitter realization in the future. The overly optimistic one might live all his live without ever realizing the amount of potential he had, missing just a bit of more focus, while the other one might live all his life with the aftereffects of self deprecating behavior in his personal life. Taking blame, Accepting certain things, and the list goes on. Yes, there are exceptions for both of these, but realistically, the chances of this going well, vs the chances of affecting your life in a very negative way, are more tending towards the second scenario.

So, what should I do ? If you say that I am either too positive or just have a sadistic personality, both of them being an extreme that can lead to success, but do more harm than good, what am I supposed to do ? Live as a mediocre person? Seriously?

Of course not, if this was my mentality I would probably get even less traffic than now ha… ha..? (Just joking, I love my followers and appreciate them sticking with me through the sloppy ride towards self help )

What I am trying to imply is, that realism is the way every person should take. Not the kind of realism that tends towards mediocrity, but the type that “leaves it all on the table”.

Winners are neither procrastinating their way to success, nor cry themselves to it. Imagine some of the most successful people saying “I told myself I suck and I have to do better every time I failed, and this is the way I became who I am today, without any repercussions” Not really believable, is it? But how about someone saying : I messed up, badly. Very, very badly. But I knew that all this would eventually lead to success, and that I had to recognize my failures, accept them, and understand that I can do better. Many who had less have achieved more, why couldn’t I?

At the base of your success, besides a realistic conception of the present, stands proudly(or probably not so proudly) your mind. I can’t believe that so many people take so much negativity from society, and then wonder why are they depressed, or unsuccessful. Sincerely, have you ever though that maybe, perhaps, what truly matters is not at all what the others see you as, but what you, REALISTICALLY see yourself as? Combine it with determination and persistence, the will to reach a goal, the absolute dream of reaching a goal, and you’ve got yourself the basic formula of what you were meant to do from the start.

If you failed, know it. Accept it, analyze it. But don’t bash yourself with it. Instead, use all the sadness and negativity towards motivating yourself to succeed in the future. When you succeed in reaching a milestone, give yourself a pat on the back, and say “I did well, one less to go”. And when you finally, through endless nights of doing this you finally succeeded in your goal, well, you better send me an invitation to that party, because you won big time, not only in your goal , but also in realizing your potential in both yourself, and in others.

And never, never tend towards fitting into society. Tend towards having an equilibrium between overly positive and overly negative. But keep your dreams and goals high as the stars. Break them down into milestones, and wake with the thought of success being the only way you will ever be complete. Your success, which is subjective to all of us depending on what we want.

Afterword

Thank you for reading, if you are a new reader, welcome! If you are interested in more articles, check out :

The path to follow through today’s reality.

What has loneliness taught you?

The most important book you’ll ever read

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